going, growing, and grieving.
i don’t know about y’all… but the transits doing what they do in recent times has me SAT. i wasn’t trying to hear it, so life has been making me feel it. and instead of fighting it, i’m doing my best to flow. i’m fixed-placement dominant and saturnian, so like… yeah.
with that flow has come the death of a lot: hopes, self-limiting beliefs— so you know the grief didn’t lag too far behind, if it was ever even lagging in the first place.
when i moved back to brooklyn last month, i so badly wanted to believe that this was my time to be on go; deeply rooted in community projects, hustling and bustling with my herbal wellness brand, mawasi herbals. just doing all the things to make my life feel full, the blows of my previous chapter a little softer, and propel me into a new one quicker than some oats.
if only it were that simple. if only it were that easy.
vending opportunities were hitting me left and right, proposals to collaborate for community-based events were popping up, wholesale orders were banging my line, and although i was verbally saying yes to them, and often without much thought— my body, my spirit, and alignment were screaming “SITCHOBLACKASSSDOWNNEOWW!”, booty lips and all.
my body was (and still is) going sick with eczema flare ups, i was hit with otherworldly fatigue, and my funds were not funding the way i would’ve liked them to. the more i tried to push through, the more i realized i wasn’t fighting adversity—i was fighting myself. i was feeding old beliefs that were far from the truth of what was bubbling, or better yet erupting, under the surface.
what some labeled as “anger” or “repulsive attitudes” was actually that raggedy bitch called grief— with no outlet, and that i couldn’t quite name. my flippant yeses were just a way to evade the pain i didn’t want to sit with.
these transits made room for much needed release that i was refusing to let go of. i’m accepting that sometimes, the most courageous thing i can do is stop. not because i’m giving up, but because i’m finally willing to slow down and listen without judgement.
i wanted movement. i wanted progress. i wanted vindication, but even more to feel like all the disappointments, trials and tribulations that I armored through with the resilience forced upon me by life were not in vain. i need(ed) to believe that blessings and ease were on the other side with no gotcha moments attached. but what i needed was stillness, and a reckoning with all the versions of myself I was trying to outrun, and had even outgrown.
and while releasing people, places, and old mindsets makes room for alignment, there’s always room to honor duality. it’s okay to grieve the possibilities that couldn’t actualize; to mourn the identities that carried you through your deepest trenches; to forgive yourself for not knowing better—or even knowing better and still not choosing better. it is not outlandish to be scary about walking a new path or leaning on faith you’ve never had to depend on before.
but do that shit anyway.
all that to say—i’m giving myself the space to pause without guilt or shame, regroup, and move with more intention. i’m taking the time to recommit to my rituals, plant my feet in grass, and exercise free will to remind myself that as long as i have breath, i will always have options and opportunities that’ll bring me closer to who I’ve always been, who I’m meant to be, and ask the things i truly desire— and most importantly— desire me.
remember: rest is a rite, grief is sacred, and stillness is strategy.
below is a spiritual bath i always spin the block on to come back to center when everything feels like too much. i hope it clears what needs clearing, call back what belongs to you, and remind you of who you are & have always been beneath it all.
Spiritual Bath for Release, Realignment & Return to Self
y’all know how i get— please do your due diligence (check contraindications) to make sure that these herbs are safe for you to work with.
ingredients
mugwort: ppens the third eye, clears psychic clutter, and calls your spirit back into your body. powerful for dreamwork and spiritual protection.
rosemary: purifies and uplifts. clears stagnant or heavy energy and helps restore clarity and vitality.
lemon balm: soothes the nervous system and softens grief. invites joy, calm, and emotional balance.
clove: anchors your energy and strengthens spiritual boundaries, clearing out energetic parasites and protects your field.
dead sea salt: Detoxifies the aura and body. Grounds excess energy and restores equilibrium.
instructions
measure with your spirit—your body will tell you which herb(s) you need most. add the herbs and salt to a large bowl of hot water to steep (or steep in a pot, then strain), then add to your bath or pour over your body in the shower from head to toe. set your intention as you soak or saturate your being.